Time, Time, Time -  T I M E . . .

Where the heck does the time go? It goes by quicker the older we get and by how much and how many responsibilities we have and the debts we owe and our health, and our family's health, our friends, our pets.... As children we are not aware of such worries or expenses. Money is just a "thing" to children, I believe.  Money's true value won't be known to them until they have to buy their own groceries.

And now, as I have just turned 42 (yikes!) I have come to reflect and realize that I have become that "friend with no kids and no S.O.".   I'm the one  friend that seems to be permanently single. Time is going by and I'm realizing that I am getting older. Something my body reminds me of everyday.  And something else that rather horrifies me is; now I'm the one that says to my nieces, nephews and my friends' kids, "OMG, I can't believe how big you're getting!"  And the kids give me that look that I know all too well because I gave the same exact expression and rolled my eyes at any adult who said that to me! I totally get it. I do. I really, really do.  But I just can't help myself. I try to control it, but when I haven't seen my friends' kids for a while, well... they do- they freaking grow up like weeds! One day they're learning your name and the next time you see them it's their prom picture!

(And then there's a whole other avenue that growing up as a female, we get that look from men. They just can't seem to help themselves. They "size" you up even though the played peek-a-boo, hide and seek, and held your hand across the street. And so, inside my head I'm thinking as the man that I've grown up with to know as Uncle *insert name* is giving me the once over; Yep, I've grown up! And these are my boobs and if I catch you looking again I'll tell my father.)  Like I said, that's a whole other post (probably...maybe...).

Anyway, back to my point.  Time really does seem to fly by even more quickly as I age.  I recall when my grandma N. (rip) would tell me that once I become an adult, time will go by more quickly and I will wish to be a kid again. I was in elementary school and I was basically counting the seconds to Summer Break.  It seemed that the days were so  s l o w  and that Summer would never arrive soon enough.  And I also said, "No Way! I can't wait to be an adult so I can do what I want, when I want!"  Silly me. She was so right (as usual).  I still hear her say those words to this day as I notice time slipping by at an extremely rapid rate.

Veteran's Day Thank You Apology

To my dear supportive old and *new* peeps, I owe you a sincere APOLOGY for not writing sooner.  However my life has been turned upside-down the past couple of weeks with my work hours away from home nearly doubling! It's beginning to slow down, however things won't be close to normal (I presume) until closer to the New Year. That freaks me out!  The end of the year is so much closer I can't freaking believe it. Oh that reminds me... we're all supposed to die (according to the Mayan Calendar) in December, so... choose wisely in all that you do during the rest of these precious few days of our existence. Live free. Be kind. Be gentle. And Listen. oh, and THINK! Yeah, seriously, if you believe the end of the world is truly upon us, then you better think about anything you say or do BEFORE you do it, should we all survive (my bets are that we miraculously pull through it, OR... I really am a sinner(!))- so if we do All survive (we will) better do unto others as you'd want done unto you. Am I right?! - of course I am. Oh, did I mention I can be pretty funny. Well, at least me and the peeps inside my head think I'm pretty funny.

Plus this ties in to Veterans Day! Which is the Holiday we get today in honor of yesterday's date (the real date). "How?" you may ask?
A:  If it weren't for my grandfathers (rip) and my brother (alive & well) I wouldn't be able to post this lovely blog without worrying that harm could fall upon me or my immediate family or friends for that matter. I live in the great USA. We are very fortunate for so many things we take for granted. Don't forget to take a moment to be thankful. Thank you, Veterans- those living, surviving and those that have passed- we are forever indebted to you.

(sorry if you were expecting some historical tidbits of information above. I'm not a history person, at all. I mean it. Not. At. All.)

And THANK you, my friends and family and newbies for your support. Please continue to follow my blog. I will do my best to write more frequently - should I actually get any sort of following. Well, at the least I can amuse myself... LOL!

And finally a world of thanks for all things simple and intricate, human and insect, great and small, nature and universe.

My view on Religion, as simply as possible. This may interest you.  It might not.  This is not to be an open forum in the comments section for others to duke it out about which Religion (if any) is the "right" Religion.  A lot of my own individual turmoil about what Religion is- is due to the fact that I always feel this is a never-compromising battle between science vs belief.

(The following is mostly from a paper I wrote for my Anthropology class last year.)

I envy those people whom have a solid belief in God and a solid belief in the Bible or other writings of faith & religion.  However for me there’s been too many centuries and too many people who have "re-written" the Bible for me to believe that what I read today in the Bible is complete, objective truth.  I would love to have the passion some of these people have for their faith.  But I don’t.  Unfortunately, I don’t have any sort of faith system that I am passionate enough about to be a daily, devout practitioner.   

I was baptized into Catholicism at the age of 12.  I received my First Communion.  And that was the end of the road for me with any further forced Catholic education and structure.  I rarely went to Church because my parents didn’t go.   My family didn’t say a prayer before each meal.  No prayers before bed.  We didn’t read the Bible.  My family’s religious nest has been empty for a long time.  I grew up without a religious leader to follow.

Not only do I envy those following the Christian Bible but Muslims, Jews, Buddhists and other religions as well.   The religious people I have encountered throughout my life have an inner strength that they seem able to call upon to get them through difficult times.  And these people of many worships have their Church and peers to lean on.  It's times when I am struggling myself that I wish I could call on a God or Goddess or multiples of to help me make my way.  And rarely have I seen anyone turn against their Faith.  (However I do know a couple that has.)

So, to what Greater Energy source do I give power to control my life?  I don’t know.  I don’t have a name or a practice.  Rather, I believe in the power of Karma and Energy.  As humans we have all types of energy that exudes out of us.  Some we know and feel.  Other times I think we’re not aware of our own “vibes”.   And too many times I feel we are totally unaware of another person’s energy.  We get self absorbed and lose focus on what’s around us.  I believe we have an individual human energy that is powerful in and of itself.  Additionally, I feel in numbers its power is even greater.  And I believe too in a greater Energy that surrounds us, our environment, our planet and the universe.  I also believe in the “spirit realm” that possibly exists on a level that very few others can interact with.

Sometimes I do try call upon a God/Goddess.  I’m just not so sure there is one listening to me.  Or if he/she is, then at least I might get the help I ask for.  Or I will say prayers for family and friends.  I always think it doesn’t hurt to do it.  If there is a Higher Power at least I’m doing what I can.  Ironically enough though, Rolling Stones lyrics is what will most often pop up in my precious little brain when I'm struggling to get results I want rather than maybe what is best:  “You can’t always get what you want/ But if you try sometimes you just might find/ You get what you need.”  And those words will echo through my head when I feel I’m beaten down and can’t figure out why I am going through certain heartaches and headaches.  I hope that possibly down the road things will make sense and become clear.  And those are the times I really hope there is a Higher Power that has a greater plan for me that maybe I just can’t see for myself yet.
And finally, what I do have are (2) phrases written on my fridge- a reminder to look at whenever I feel the chips are down: "I will get through it." and "This too shall pass."

License plates are interesting sometimes.  Seeing ones from out of state and their different colors, or backdrops, and slogans.  But personalized license plates are fun to figure out when I'm really bored sitting in traffic.  And some just plain make me want to vomit. "My 3 Boys <3" or any plate with the hand - what's that supposed to mean anyway?! or CJ <3 LJ or any other profession of love...  However, one personalized plate that was right in front of my face while waiting to get onto the freeway was this:

STDFNDR

My first thought:  STD Finder - as in a Sexually Transmitted Disease Finder!  Yep that's where my brain lives, in the gutter. (like a nurse, or lab tech... idk... I can't always explain how I think.)

My second thought was:  Stud Finder - either a stripper, a match maker or maybe a building engineer or a really wealthy carpenter? (It was a high-end BMW.)

My final thought which is probably what the plate really means: State Defender.  

Isn't that funny?  Of all the different plates I see and try to remember, I've recalled this one.  Maybe because I think its super hilarious that my first thought was STD's.

Some of you folks might be wondering about my title choice. Some of you could care less.  Well, trust me, read this whichever end of the spectrum you are because that is exactly what I'll be discussing.

I am learning about how to realize REALITY and not live in the extremes.  I'll show you:

Neg (-) --------|----------------------------Reality-----------------------------------|------Pos (+)
               depression                                                                         mania

"Reality" is where you want your mind to be in order to be at peace with oneself.  To understand what one truly has control over.

So, our mood, behavior and thoughts are all linked together.  So the more control I get over at least one of the three, the better chance I have of keeping ALL of me in control.  It's a bit like baseball. One for three is pretty darn good.  Therefore a better chance at living in "Reality".

So back to the chart.  It appears so simple, yet with someone like myself it is really difficult to follow everyday. (More to come about me personally in the future should I get brave enough.) So if I can get some control on either my behavior, my mood or my thoughts, then I can hopefully live more peacefully with myself and therefore more peacefully with others.  It's NOT about "getting a grip", it's about BALANCE.  And Balance = Reality
So that's what I'm doing.  Trying to stay balanced and focused on reality.  As well as living peacefully within it. 

My belief is to put out good, calm, positive energy out into the World as often as possible by being understanding and not judging others as well as not judging myself.  This is what I am learning.    But not be fake.  Genuinely feel it.  And I thought I would share that with you.  What good does it do to anyone to be mean, or a bitch, upset, yelling (except into a pillow. which I have done. it really does help.) or being violent?  Absolutely no good I say.  So, I try to remember that.  As well as focus on the now with what is real.  Not the past nor worry about the future. Simply breathe in one day at a time. 

On a lighter but still serious note:
For me, I've lived a good portion of my life on the depression end of the spectrum.  However that's another topic for another day.  The point is, in order to be BALANCED I don't need to be perfectly positive all the time.  And that's a FREAKING relief folks. A big relief.  Because I'd make myself more crazy trying to be so darned kind and perfect all the time.  It's ok to be NORMAL, which is NOT PERFECT!  or Normal = Not Perfect  

(ps- I've re-written this like 5 times already... there's not perfect for ya! ha ha!)

Ok folks,

Here's my first gripe.  I will not shop at a particular big chain grocery store due to several reasons.  But there is one additional reason why I think a decision they made is STUPID!  I have to log-on online with my "loyalty/discount savings pass-card" thing and download "specialty" coupons that are supposedly "just for you (me)" even though you've wasted ink and paper for the advertisement  that comes in the mail.  Just add some freaking dotted lines and make them coupons.  What a WASTE!  If I want to go to your grocery store and you expect me to have to go online to download specific coupons onto my account and present that damn card to you or punch in my phone number so as to access said coupons, I think it's a lot of Freaking work to save a measly how many dollars or even just cents!?  And secondly, I fear this company is keeping track of this information which can be used to target me for a myriad of other products and crap that I probably don't want or need.  But suddenly, I will think I need them because I'll start receiving email, junk mail, and possibly spam to inform me how much I need these things (not!).

So, you know what I do? I don't shop there unless absolutely necessary and I use paper coupons AND on top of all that, I use my parent's phone number because I don't even have a freaking ( insert name of big chain supermarket here) card.  So ha ha, and sorry.  Ha Ha to you big chain grocery store because you don't know me and my purchases (yes, I understand there is video surveillance, but come on- you know what I'm talking about.)  And sorry to my folks because if they keep getting crap in their mail and offered discounts or spam on stuff they don't EVER purchase, I'm sorry for that.  And its all my fault because I'm punching in your phone number almost everywhere I go.   Additionally, there are also 2 large chain pharmacies I go to and I don't have their disco/loyalty card either.  However I do hope that by using my folk's phone number all the time they get some benefits out of it.  
Sincerely, 
jjknows

Hello World,                                                                                    October 13, 2012

I am writing my first blog in the form of a letter so that all readers are aware of my intentions.  My intention is to let you, the reader, inside my life and my mind.  This includes sharing positive and negative events, thoughts, pictures, advice, outbursts, emotional rantings and ravings and cravings, personal reviews, world view-points, likes and dislikes- pretty much the whole gamut.  Any name's used will be changed to protect the person's identity unless he or she has given me permission.  Or unless I'm making up a story.... then obviously, its all made up and there's no one to protect.

You (the reader) are not suppose to agree with everything I say or advise.  I'm just throwing out to the online World, essentially, *me*.

About me:  I am sarcastic by nature.  I'm smart, quick-witted and am committed to learning all I can which is partially why I am writing this blog to share with you.  Or at times, you will find me venting. Or asking questions. Or needing advice myself. The other "partially" part is just for myself.  I hope to improve my writing skills and keep current with today's society- the good and the bad.

I fully believe in Karma.  My religion is simply to practice kindness, always.  Be forgiving.  We all make mistakes and no one is perfect. NO ONE.   I will share my experiences as honestly as possible.

I hope you enjoy my blog or maybe not.  Feel free to sound off as well, but know that if things get out of control, I will enforce my legals rights to censorship as well as follow Google's Blogging Rules & Regulations.

Should anyone make any hint or even the slightest suggestion to bullying, suicide or homicide or any other violent, illegal acts, I will be forced to help you or report you to the authorities. Or both.

Otherwise, enjoy the read.

Thanks to all my friends and family for your support.

Most Sincerely,
jjknows :o]